After the Cake and the Candles: The Weight of Parenting After Abuse
This year, we celebrated Luca's birthday a day early.
It wasn't what we'd planned. But, as is so often the case when you're co-parenting after domestic abuse, things don't always go the way you'd hope - even when you try to make it easier. Even when you try to be kind. And even when there are agreements.
So we celebrated on Thursday. Just the six of us (Mum, Dad, my brother, his girlfriend, me and Luca). I did everything I could to give him joy and safety. And we made memories. Beautiful ones.
But on Friday - his actual birthday - I had to say goodbye. It wasn't a happy one. Crying and calling out for me, I couldn't do anything but hold my breath, hold my pain, and let him go.
It was the right thing, legally. It followed the order. But it went against every part of me. That kind of goodbye... it breaks something inside of you. And then you're left sitting in the space where your child should be. Where they had been happily playing with their new toys (and old ones!) that morning, where we had been singing Baby Shark for the 500th time that week - trying to keep yourself together, while everyone else carries on.
This is the side of survivorship no one really talks about
Not just the moment you leave, but the years after. The shared birthdays. The court orders. The compromises. The silence.
The pressure to be "well" when you're still having to live with the consequences of someone else's choices - and the systems that sometimes uphold them.
This is what is can look like to parent after abuse. This is what it can feel like to carry on.
And this is why I created Survivor Steps.
A Space to come back to yourself - gently
Survivor Steps is a trauma-aware body-based programme for women moving forward after domestic abuse. It's not about the therapy or performance. It's not about re-telling your story. It's about giving your body the chance to breath. To move. To feel. To exist - safely, without judgment.
It's for the version of you that's been holding it all together. And it's for the version of you that's still trying to find her way back to herself.
Try it for free - or share with someone who might need it
On Friday 11 July, we're holding our free taster session. It's open to:
Women who have experienced domestic abuse
Professional supporting survivors who want to better understand the programme
Whether you're ready to join something new - or just want to see what it feels like to be in a space like this - you're welcome.
Friday 11 July, 10-11:30AM, Greenstead Community Centre
Please book on via the website or drop me a message hello@bemoredandelion.com
